I really need to get back into an exercise routine. I'm getting really disappointed (and almost disgusted) at the way I look right now. I keep thinking to last summer when I had such a nice body. And even then, I felt like I could improve tons. But now... it's just gotten out of hand. And so I really need to find a good workout program that I will enjoy doing and that will work. Last summer, I had P90X. And that was AWESOME. It really works. But no matter how hard I try to start that again (and I've tried multiple times now), I just can't. It's OLD to me. Same thing over and over. I just can't seem to stick with it like I did when I first went on it.
Well, I found this program called the "T-Shirt Body Program" in Muscle & Fitness magazine. They're workout exercises designed to make your body look good in a normal, everyday t-shirt. Sounds pretty cool, right? I mean, I'm not going to be walking around shirtless all the time... so looking good while in a t-shirt would be ideal. It's a pretty intense workout though. Lots of barbell and dumbbell work. I've actually never worked out with a barbell before so it was a new experience for me. Chest Presses are a LOT harder than I thought they would be. lol.
I hope to at least stick with this for a month. And I need to really think about increasing my cardio workouts. I stay active through my job... but after a year of doing the same thing, I'm afraid my body has adapted to it and I'm not burning as many calories as I should be. And all the excess fat is showing up as a spare tire around my stomach. :( I need to get rid of that ASAP. I'm going on vacation in the first week of June and I need to look GOOD. (I'll blog more about that real soon)
So wish me luck on my new workout endeavors. And I hope this finds everyone well. BTW, to all of you who may still read my little blog... write me a comment and say HI. Would love to hear from all of you :)
I've had a few extra days to think about this. And reading the comments from Part I has awakened me a bit. And I've realized that getting in between two people is just about the worst possible thing anyone can do. No matter how tempted I am by one of those people, I shouldn't be doing anything to further that. If he wants to ruin his own relationship, then so be it. But I cannot/should not/will not help him with that.
Last night, he kept slipping in that I was cute. Here's the conversation after that...
Doug: "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were flirting."
Kyle: "Well I'd say you were right. I think I am. I'm sorry... :P"
Doug: "Well, it's ok.. I guess. But you have a boyfriend..."
Kyle: "I know.. and you don't like me like that. But it's so easy to fall for you. I'm really sorry."
Doug: "Oh Kyle, don't be sorry. I just wasn't ready for a relationship when you asked for one."
Kyle: "I understand. I know I have a bf and I don't want to ruin that, but I can't help but have feelings for you."
Sigh... told you it was complicated. I just have to be careful with how I talk to him now. Not going to egg him on. I won't just stop talking to him.. but if it starts to head in a dangerous direction, I'll put a stop to it. I am NOT going to that guy that breaks people up.
You may want to read about Kyle/Cute Boy before you continue reading. (Kyle and Cute Boy is the same person, but I gave him a name after a few posts. So you may need to click on both links to get his full story)
So Kyle messaged me on Facebook tonight. We haven't chat like we used to in a while. And we used to chat almost every night on Facebook or via texts. And they were just fun little conversations that led to nowhere. Just to catch up.. see how each other were doing. We managed to stay friends after that one night together.
Well, a few weeks ago, he tells me that he's in a relationship now. I was happy for him, I really was. Because I know that's what he was seeking with me. And when he asked for it with me, I really couldn't say yes. I don't know why it was.. and I still don't. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe I'm just scared of being in a real relationship with a guy? I've been out of the closet with my friends for almost 2 years now but I still haven't had a real boyfriend... but that's gonna have to be a different blog post.
Anyway... upon hearing his new relationship, I was happy, but I also couldn't help but be jealous. This boy, who has been pursuing me, now has found someone else. And now, all of a sudden, he's starting to spark my interest again. Why have I fallen into the "typical guy" category?? You always hear stories of guys who don't want to enter into a relationship (whether straight or gay) but once the other person is no longer available and no longer pursuing them, they're interested again. Is this what they call "the thrill of the chase?" When they're not available, they seem more exciting and more "attractive" in a way?
I know very well that Kyle still has feelings for me. He actually admitted to it tonight. I said something funny and witty and he just said, "you're really frustrating. You keep reminding me why I like you so much." And what do I do? I egg him on... trying to see what else he'd say. And in the back of my mind, I'm thinking about what it'd be like if he were to dump his boyfriend and get with me. How wrong is that??
I don't know what to do. Are my fears about the "thrill of the chase" accurate? Am I really trying to have a relationship with him? If he really were to leave his boyfriend to pursue me again, will I push him away again? And lastly, would I want to risk our friendship and try becoming more than just friends? Too many questions... sigh.
I had the most fun I've had in a long while. I participated in the Irvine Lake Mud Run this Saturday. It's a 5K run with several obstacles, most of them involving mud. I found out about this charity event about 2-3 months ago and a bunch of my friends were signing up, so I decided that I would too. And up to about a week ago, I was pretty excited about it. Then as it came closer and closer, I started to think, "Why they heck did I sign up for this?" I don't particularly like running... I hadn't really run in a LONG time.. not even on a treadmill. I don't like getting dirty, and a mud run is the epitome of dirty. And I hadn't heard about details for the event at all. Our team captain was very unorganized and basically should NEVER be in charge of anything ever in his life. Good kid, but very irresponsible. So the combination of these things kinda turned me off to it all.
But I stuck to it and and decided to do it. After all, I already paid for it. I wasn't going to just waste my money. So on Saturday, I got there at 8am, ready to do some running. Being around the 4000+ runners got me in the spirit. So they counted us down and we started the race. Ran at a good pace... and then we got to the first mud pit. I took my first step, thinking that maybe if I tread lightly, I won't get too much mud on me. WRONG. I stepped and the mud pit was deeper and softer than I thought it would be! My leg went right into the pit. Second step was the same thing. I ran out of the pit, dodging all my friends who were playing around in the mud, getting each other dirty. I made it through the first pit with only my legs covered in mud. My white t-shirt was still pretty white. WHEW! But, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Second mud pit was bigger. Again, deep and dirty. Tried to get away unscathed... but no luck this time. My friends saw that my shirt was still white and attacked me. I got tackled into the mud. BAM, my whole body was covered with mud. HAHA. And to my surprise, I actually enjoyed my time in it. The rest of the way, I ran with super muddy shoes and heavy, muddy clothes. I actually made it through the 5K without dying. No training! I was pretty surprised at how easy it was for me. We did play around in the mud obstacles, but the rest of the way, we kept a pretty good pace.
The last obstacle was a GIANT mud pit where we had to crawl in the mud. Of course, we took this opportunity to get as dirty as possible. Basically SWAM in the mud. And after crossing the finish line, there was a mud pit play area, where we proceeded to do some more mud playing.
All in all, it was an AMAZING experience. I ended up being very happy for doing it. I am way proud of myself for completing a 5K. Maybe with a little bit of training, I could even do a half-marathon! We'll see... hehe. :) Enjoy the pic!
Just going to write about what I think is interesting.. which may or may not be too interesting to you. But it's helping me work through things in my life.
Keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the blog at all time and enjoy the ride!
Feel free to send me emails or write comments! I love both! Send emails to firstname.lastname@example.org
There are some people that I refer to on here a lot, so I might as well give an explanation of each to help you guys out. :) And in the beginning stages of my blog, I gave everyone initials or aliases. But after a while, I just started using their names (unless it's a very unique name). So I'll point those initials/aliases out as well.
Jon (formerly JW): One of my best friends through work. First real friend that I came out to. SUPER gay. But I love him just the same :)
Jen: My ex-gf. Were together for 6.5 years. Found out I liked guys, and that was pretty much a deal breaker. We're now best friends. She says that I'm the Will to her Grace. :P (though I kind of hate that analogy because I don't like Will that much...)
Jamie (formerly J): First boy that I had feelings for and had sex with. Apparently we didn't want the same things though. LOTS of drama with him, and was the reason I started this blog. Click on the links in the "Important Posts" section to find out more about him.
Barry: My good online buddy! He lives in the UK, and we found each other through an online chat room. We talk about everything together and it's so nice to have someone that I can open up to. I tell him more stuff about me than anyone else!
More to add later!
Here are some important posts/series of posts that you may want to read if you're new to my blog. In which case, WELCOME!